Once upon a time in a far away isle,
A bike club did gather and drink for a while.
The members were indeed a sight to behold,
So please listen carefully, this tale must be told.
Let's start off with Gandalf, so grey and so wise,
Location: The Swan. Now there's a surprise.
As he sips on his bitter, his wallet does wail:-
"Who'll get the next round in?" Scrooge has gone pale.
Cinders, our fire starter, by all is admired,
For working full-time yet remaining retired.
How does he do it? All these days on the sick?
Yet still keep his employment? His boss must be thick.
Tom's left a wet patch; he must need a new pad,
But for a suave older gent he's a handsome young lad.
Then we've got Yogi, our resident bear,
You can spot him a mile off - just look for the hair.
If you notice him scratching, don't worry, its nits.
For Christmas he'd welcome a de-lousing kit.
Dave Andrea is drunk with a fag in his hand,
Johnny Cash on the jukebox (he don't like modern bands).
Marie's driving home so she's stayed off the ale,
But she's still up and jiving with the lovely Mike Gayle.
Lorraine's at the Caff and she's slaving away
Making big biker breakfasts to last us the day.
She's married to Bob, who is lurking somewhere,
We can all sense his presence - there's a fart in the air.
If you look a bit further you'll see Outspan and Del,
She's orange and Scottish and a hell of a gal.
Del's a wonderful bloke and he's on the committee,
He's over at the bar having his beer served by Bitty.
He's got a new girlfriend and they seem pretty smitten
But we know what she's in for. (We've seen Little Britain).
To continue our story, we'll turn now to Debs.
Too late - she's had vodka and has been put to bed.
She's the lovely young wife of Gandalf the Wise,
Whom he calls Double Trouble (but she says it's all lies).
We've two wonderful Germans: Soup Dragon and Sven,
(Just keep an eye on your towel; you won't see it again).
Little Tony is here and the laughter is rife,
He may be quite short, but he's larger than life.
Dave Comyns and Ali are here at the meet,
She's been practising dancing (Dave's in for a treat)
Bryan's our instructor; he's gone out for a ride,
If you need your full licence he is open to bribes.
Teabag's around and he thinks he's in luck,
With all these young girls he can put on his books.
He's out and about making cash on the streets,
But show him a bus stop and he'll fall asleep.
You can make your escape while he's having a nap,
But despite all his pimping he's a wonderful chap.
Steve and Jackie are here quaffing Scrumpy and tea,
But if you ask what they're having, then it's "No Pint" for me.
Next up is Alan - a tall, handsome lad,
The nicest of blokes, but don't dare make him mad.
When he spotted a cat on his way down Bray Hill
He adjusted his speed and went in for the kill.
But the moggy survived with a few cuts and scrapes,
(There's not much to be said for Harley Davidson brakes)
Inchy's a hit with the girls about town,
But they're in for a shock when they get his pants down.
He did have an excuse for it being so teeny,
It was rather cold for a yellow bikini.
Bonzo was scared 'cos he knew what was coming,
So he got to his feet and he just started running.
One minute he's there and the next he was gone,
And the rest of the club shouted "Run Forrest, run!"
Scrooge was up next with his todger displayed
He's been banned from all rallies since Jen saw the tape.
Vomit's our racer, the cream of the crop,
We all know that one day he'll get to the top
His lovely wife Jean has been there all the way,
With a woman like that, he'll do more than okay.
Shagwit's a guy who is hard to describe,
He's a loveable rogue and a lot more besides
He is loud and he's funny and he drives us insane
But a world without Shaggy would not be the same.
He's a pain in the arse with his naughty behaviour
But when God gave us Shagwit, God did us a favour.
Crazy Legs visited in early November,
He came as a guest but he left as a member.
With his honorary patch, he went home shortly after
As a welcome addition to our Newbury chapter.
Well that's all for now 'cos this club keeps on growing
So we'll laugh a bit more when I do the next poem
